And the pieces never seem to match, though they force them too… it’s called settling and learning to love someone for who they are. That is not soulmates. The majority settle and learn to accept the flaws. True love is finding flaws beautiful from “the get go.” I say this, but I am a man who is single and forever looking. Some call me hopeless, some say that I am unrealistic. You know what I say? I say, “fuck that.” I’ve had many loves and have loved many… from each I gather and learn. A never ending search.. mission… quest… “If you’re looking you will not find it…” Yeah, whatever makes you feel better. ha. I see her face in every set of exotic eyes, in every small body with a nice ass, with every tattooed being, with every kissable neck. I am sick… that’s a fact. I would drink the blood of the perfect one to seal the fate and confirm the promise. I would do anything for the one I do not know. Is it instant? I want her to see me hurt… I want to find lust in vulnerability. Don’t let this phrase pass you by… FIND LUST IN VULNERABILITY… this is where truth in love sits and waits to be discovered… but it is rare in it’s finding. Appreciation isn’t love… Caring isn’t love… friendship is the strongest root of the tree that love is… branches called, “assurance.”
Archive for July, 2010
It Is
Friday, July 30th, 2010Last Words, but not so famous
Tuesday, July 27th, 2010It slows down and you see everything as it truly is
Beams of light become a cluster of particals brightly travelling in slow motion
The wind takes a shape of a clear blue and carries scent
Everything seems at ease when you’re dying
At ease
At peace in your mind
You accept it all as what was your life
Your number hasn’t been called
But you decide to cut in line and shake the hand of the one who forced this upon you
Or you decide to travel with the stars and sing with the galaxy breezes
I may take up surfing and hang ten on the clouds of a solar storm
Maybe I will be a photographer with a photgraphic memory and travel the levels of heaven and interview the dead who don’t know that they’re not living
I think maybe I could comeback and haunt this place
But I’ve already had too much… and that’s why this soul is peacefully moving on
Drowning in my tears and sitting here I swallow
Swallow down the fresh breath I breathe with every new second I find myself closer to the end
Dying isn’t a hobby
Death is forever
… but so is life and so is legacy
The knowledge I’ve bestowed upon so many ears will live on until time is through
Most will live for awhile and not die as fast as a blink
The truth is… when this soul dies today… I’ll be seeing you sooner than you think
Time is ticking
Tuesday, July 27th, 2010such a bad day… such a bad time.. There was a woman checking her mail on the side of the road and i was going about 60mph. I’ve never have come so close to running someone over with my car purposely. I would like to say that at the last second that I changed my mind, but in all honesty, I just don’t think that I convinced myself to do it in time. I would have been able to justify it in my mind. After all that I’ve gone through in my mind today and what it is that I feel inside, I know that she would have been sacrificial to my bidding. If she were hit by me, you would have discovered that she was a child fondler or a rapist… a crook of any kind. None of that happened… so here I sit not on the run and not bleeding from my chest where I would have forced the police to kill me.
Contradiction (slice you open)
Sunday, July 18th, 2010
So why don’t you lie on this cold table and let me open this chest
With a magnified right eye
I make an incision with my laser beam light
Before I investigate… let me look into your eyes
Oh are you mystified?
Wondering why I can feel your insides?
Let me assure you… you don’t need this shit anyway
Your heart is selfish
Beating for no one on any day
With my hand around you throat you look so scared…
“Awe… you use to like this.. what happened? Hello? Are you in there?”
Are those tears rolling down your cheeks and dripping on my steel table?
No no… it’s not a problem.. it’s just that you’re feeling emotion and I didn’t know that you were able
I reach inside you chest and squeeze one of your lungs…
Your mouth under my nose…
My eyes closed…
I remember your soft pants of passion
Your lips are swollen by instinct and they feel as they always have…
I run my tongue along the redness
“Do you remember the times we had…?”
You can’t answer for shock
You can’t even apologize..
..ha.. like I would even give a fuck
You try and say something…
“Sorry I don’t speak your language”
“…maybe God will save us…”
I squat at the end of the table and take the view of your toes
I rise up with a surgical mask and hidden smile on my face
I open your chest and remove a few things
I remove your heart because you won’t be needing it…
Now you are no longer a walking contradiction
No longer my affliction
Let me sew you up..
I promise that I will sew you straight
Oh wait.. did you want staples?
Staples for your chest
Rusty wire for your lips
… nothing surgical about that
I’m just enjoying this